With E3 coming up tomorrow, I thought I’d once again come up with some predictions about the game and hardware announcements that will be coming from this show. Originally, this list was going to be part of Episode 96 of Up a Paddle, but I won’t be able to get that particular episode out before E3 starts. By that time, the predictions wouldn’t be predictions anymore. They’d be predicteds. Or more likely, wrongs. I do plan to talk about E3 in depth on episode 97, so look forward to that. Anyhoo, here they are in no particular order:
The Nintendo press conference is scheduled to happen at 9 AM PDT on June 15. The keynote is expected to last two hours. I wonder how Nintendo’s resident soccer mom Cammie Dunaway is going to fill all that time. Possibly with the following announcements:
- Let’s start with the showstopper. The bombshell. The thing that will make you say wow. The Wii Vitality Sensor. Its main purpose will be to increase the number of times that you’ll see the “maybe you should take a break” message when playing a game. Of course, we know what it will really be used for. That is, testing the vitality of another appendage, if you know what I mean. Wink wink, nudge nudge. Your big toe.
- The 3DS will be out in full force. It may get a new name: Puu. I’m interested in seeing if the rumors are true that it has a processor that approaches the Xbox 360’s and PS3′s chips. That’s like 10 Gamecubes duct taped together
- The new Zelda game for the Wii … will be delayed until next year. Also, a new 3DS version will be announced and it will be a Celda game much in the same vein as Spirit Tracks. This time Link will have a plane to get him from place to place.
- Metroid: Other M will be featured as well. This game will be on track for a Fall 2010 release. That is, if Team Ninja has worked out the jiggle physics in Samus’s armor yet.
- Wild card – Pikmin 3 will be re-announced. That is, unless Miyamoto-san has come up with a new hobby to turn into a hit game. You didn’t hear it from me, but I hear Shiggy has recently gotten into plate spinning.
- Wild Wild Card – There is a very slim chance that the Wii HD will be announced. The HD stands for holographic display. Given that the 3DS will be featured this time around, I think they’ll save the Wii HD for another conference.
The Sony keynote will be on June 15 at 12 PDT. So game journalists, tired from all the hooting and hollering that they’ll have done at the Nintendo keynote, will need to move their butts to catch the Sony conference and do it all over again.
So here are my Sony predictions:
- The main focus of this keynote will be the lollipop AKA the Playstation Move. It will most likely be bundled with the PS3 Slim, which itself should be receiving a price cut.
- Sony’s bombshell will not be the PSP2, but rather the PSPhone. It will be like a PsPGo, but people will actually want it. So it will be nothing like the PSP Go. This will be positioned as a direct competitor to the iPhone, because they just can’t compete with the DS.
- There will also be some discussion about their new paid PSN service and that the PS3 will support 3D (which it already does). The third dimension is Dimension X. I bet you thought I was going to say that the third dimension is time. And I just did. Everybody wins.
- Wild card – Gran Turismo 5 will be ready this year, and in 3D.
Although I’ve listed it last, Microsoft’s conference will actually happen first. It’s on for 10:30 AM PDT on June 14th.
- The focus of the Microsoft keynote will be Natal (or Kinect, if official press releases can be believed). In order to advertise this new camera system before it is available for sale later in the fall, Microsoft will release a new vitamin water supplement. You gotta stay hydrated while you flail around like a mad man. They will also release these supplements in a chewable form. So hopefully these pre-Natal vitamins will be enough to keep the fanboys pregnant with excitement. That was bad. I apologize.
- The Xbox 360 Thin will be announced, with a price drop. They’ll save money by removing the hard drive and by relying on users to use usb storage instead. The smaller shape will also be more convenient for fitting the console in to your home theatre system. Also convenient will be that it will red ring right out of the box, which will itself double as a shipping container already addressed to Microsoft. Postage is extra.
- Wild card – Next, and this is a long shot. Bungie will announce a new Halo game. Maybe. There will also probably be talk of the next Gears of War game. Rare may possibly have Killer Instinct 3 ready to show. All of these games will be Kinect compatible.
Well, those are my main predictions for the Big Three at E3. Now on to the other guys:
Harmonix – Rock Band 3: Keytar Edition will be their only game at the show. An 80’s song pack will be announced for download from Xbox Live and PSN. But all the songs will actually be Never Gonna Give You Up, by Sir Richard Astley. It will be the best selling song pack of all time.
EDIT. They actually released information about the 3rd iteration of their game. The keytar is a go for launch. As are cymbals for the drums and a new guitar peripheral. This new guitar will feature six steel strings and over 100 fret buttons. Songs in RB3 will each have a new Pro Notes track for people playing these new instruments to, well, play. These tracks will feature the actual notes and chords and other musical thingies (technical term) that you’d play on a real instrument. Presumably using these new instruments and note tracks will help you actually learn how to play an instrument. Or at least help you learn how to make room for yet another peripheral in your domicile. I’m a consumer whore so I’ll probably be picking up the keyboard, cymbals and possibly the $150 guitar. That’s just what I need, a fourth fake guitar. All the peripherals will be made by Mad Catz.
Capcom – They’ll have Marvel vs Capcom 3 on display and playable. They’ll even reveal a few more characters, including fan favorite: Spider-ham. This will be all fine and dandy until Donald Glover starts to campaign for the role, which will cause massive fan outcry. Peter Porker is the “other white meat,” damn it.
Sega – If they are smart, they’ll focus on Valkyria Chronicles 2 and Yakuza 4. But really, they’ll focus on the half dozen Sonic games they plan to release this year. I’m still holding out for a sequel to Daytona. Dayyyyyto00000nnnnnna! Let’s roll away! Let’s roll away!
Konami – We’ll hear more about the new 3d Castlevania game: Sparkles of the Day. Yes, that was a Twilight joke.
Well, it was a Twilight reference.
Finally, my longshot predictions for games we’ll see at the show:
- Eternal Darkness - Silicon Knights has been in the news lately here in Canada as they’ve been given a $4 million grant from the federal government to develop a new game. I’m hoping they wisely invest it in a sequel to one of my top 10 games of all time. Then again, if the sequel turns out as well as Nights: Journey Into Dreams did (it didn’t), maybe we’re better off without it. More than likely, though, we’ll either see another Too Human game or something similar.
- Luigi’s Mansion 2 for the 3DS. It will be loosely based on the horror classic: Dr. Tongue’s Evil House of Pancakes.
- Duke Nukem Forever. Eventually I’ll be right about this prediction.
Anyway, those are my thoughts as to what we’ll see next week. What do you guys think?